Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
