he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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