hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
