So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
