1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
