I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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