I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
