I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
