I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
