Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
