there's paper in my vomit.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
