i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
