I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize