I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
