dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
false alarm, still single
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize