wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
