After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
