pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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