It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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