So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
