I don't remember. Are we still dating?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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