Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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