I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
3 2 1 whiskey
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
