you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
