i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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