woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
