dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
