Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
