I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
