note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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