Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
