i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
