the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
