Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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