i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
