i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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