my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dick very happy bro
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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