Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize