She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am spending my child support on dildos
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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