She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
