Too much gin, very little bucket
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize