She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
