Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Let's get the cat blown out
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
