Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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