you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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