take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
