We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
