Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
