Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
