should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
