just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
