surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
