Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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