she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
