in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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