I just made out with a guy for $7.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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