Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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