I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
