why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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