Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
