okay pat passed out under dana's car
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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