We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
