he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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