Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
