do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
