so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize