Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
